Dissolved

(Erika Poling)

Writing the wreckage of my life.

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Disoriented, I’ve been lying to my mind
My body controlled, barely clinging to what’s left of my spine 
Lost, I can’t find my way now

Fingers slipping to my fingertips, and my wrists stay locked 
While my fists are clenched, anger's pressing through the lid
Too much pressure, and I’m sick of always doing what I’m told
I can’t find my way now 

Voices never forget to kindly remind me I’m not the nicest 
That’s why I’m alone, and always on my toes, noticing the fine print 

Babe I’m a wreck
I gotta figure out where my head is, a sinking ship
before there’s nothing left but pieces to collect
after I hit rock bottom
I’m dissolving, dissolving
Can’t turn around now 
Capsize at the end 

Dissolving, dissolving
Babe I’m a wreck
I gotta figure out where my head is, a sinking ship
before there’s nothing left but pieces to collect
after I hit rock bottom
I’m dissolving, dissolving
Capsize at the end 
Dissolve me, dissolve me 
Can’t turn around now 

Looking back at the madness, the glass magnified 
Tip-of-the-Iceberg, from far away, everything seems fine 

Disoriented, I’ve been lying to my mind
My body controlled, barely clinging to what’s left of my spine 
Lost, I can’t find my way now

Voices never forget to kindly remind me I’m not the nicest 
That’s why I’m alone, and always on my toes, noticing the fine print 

No self-control 
I, I, I know I shouldn’t like the chemicals at the pinnacle of a mental high
Heated vessels boil to bubbles and the steam comes out of the veins inside of my knuckles, until the cells explode
I’m bursting, capsize at the end 
Watch me dissolve
I’m dissolving, dissolving
I couldn’t stop the flood I knew was coming 
And I can see the tears as blood, they're dissolving
Can’t turn around now
The damage is done
They’re dissolving, dissolving 

Babe I’m a wreck
I gotta figure out where my head is, a sinking ship
before there’s nothing left but pieces to collect
after I hit rock bottom
I’m dissolving, dissolving
Can’t turn around now 
Capsize at the end 

Dissolving, dissolving
Babe I’m a wreck
I gotta figure out where my head is, a sinking ship
before there’s nothing left but pieces to collect
after I hit rock bottom
I’m dissolving, dissolving
Capsize at the end 
Dissolve me, dissolve me 
Can’t turn around now
© Erika Poling 2020