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The Weatherman

(Laura Åkerblom)

We've all been caught in the rain and, at some point in our lives, most of us have gone from looking great to looking like drowned rats very fast. The story in these lyrics happened to a very close friend of mine (a version of it) and I couldn't stop laughing. Which just got her even more upset. Which made me laugh even more.

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Intro

Yeah, so…
Remember you said it’d all be just fine?
Suggesting we go out for drinks and unwind
Remember you said it’d be warm and dry?
Make the most of this weather, you said, dress up nice

Chorus

Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust his perfect hair
Don’t trust the weatherman

Verse 1

Pointing here and pointing there 
Smiling like an ad for dental care
Waff’lin on ‘bout a solar flare
Sayin’ summertime’s in the air

Chorus

Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust his sex appeal
Don’t trust the weatherman

Verse 2

Planned my outfit round your spiel
Cashmere skirt, stiletto heels
Brand new blouse in gorgeous teal
The weather’s gonna be ideal

Chorus

Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust that Colgate smile
Don’t trust the weatherman

Verse 3

I really trusted you last night
You and your met office satellite
Now this may sound impolite
But what the fuck, you peace of shite?

Chorus

You just can’t trust the weatherman
Can’t trust the weatherman
Even if he looks like Michael Caine
No, you just can’t trust the weatherman

Verse 4

Yeah I’m upset, gotta complain
Last night you said it wouldn’t rain
And that was an outrageous claim
I got soaked and you’re to blame

Chorus

Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust the weatherman
Even if he looks like Kurt Cobain
Don’t trust the weatherman

Verse 5

Why so upset? Oh I’ll explain
See I’m not just a little drained
Riding my commuter train
I look like chewed up fucking chicken chow mein

Bridge

Now I get that it’s all ‘bout statistics and risk-its
local districts, logistics n journalistic linguistics
And your job is to smile and to be optimistic
They just hand you your lines over coffee and biscuits

You ruined my day, won’t go into specifics
But I’m begging you now, just like on Jim’ll Fix It
I wish that your forecasts were more realistic
What you did to us there? That was downright sadistic.

Chorus to fade

Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust that Colgate smile
Don’t trust the weatherman

Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust his dreamy eyes
Don’t trust the weatherman

Don’t trust the weatherman
Don’t trust him
Don’t trust him
Don’t trust him
Don’t trust him
Don’t trust him
Don’t trust him

© Laura Åkerblom 2018

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