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Split

(Steven Mailer)

A song about defeating your own demons and the people who hold you back. This song is as much about mental illness as it is domestic abuse hence the double meaning of Split.

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All these broken pieces 
reflecting different faces
moments out of sequence
what the hell’s the meaning!? 

Where are all the pointers
to help me make my choices
I don’t think that I can afford any more mistakes
I know I can’t avoid this
but my god I won’t enjoy this 
don’t you think for a moment I don’t know the stakes! 

You’re just a face in the mirror,
smiling back
when it all goes black! 
Eyes in the dark
like a Cheshire cat! 
You’re just a face in the mirror!
Smiling through
the black and blue
whispering lies so I might 
come back to you! 

All these little presents
meant to earn my deference
you say you never meant this
and that I should just forget this! 

Let the flags just keep on waving
while I go on behaving. 
Pretending that the wounds won’t get much worse! 
Let you have your little plaything
another sweet thing for the breaking.
Ending up another thing that you’ve cursed! 

You’re just a face in the mirror,
smiling back
when it all goes black! 
Eyes in the dark
like a Cheshire cat! 
You’re just a face in the mirror!
Smiling through
the black and blue
whispering lies so I might 
come back to you! 

You think that you can defeat this!
wall I’ve built 
to keep you out! 
You think that you can just sweep this
somewhere we’ll
not find out!

But your shit’s beyond defending
and my guy I’m done pretending
that you’re not the worst thing 
I’ve ever found on the sole of my shoe!
You lie as quick as breathing
when you’re caught you’re trying to leave and 
somehow I still find myself 
opening the door to you! 

BUT NO! 
Not this time!
This day’s mine. 
I’ll be fine! 
I’ll make my way 
like I always do!
There to stay
far away 
from you!

© Steven Mailer 2020

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