My Wretched Friend

(Karianne Gabaldon)

A little something I’d like to dedicate to my schizophrenia. It’s me talking to schizophrenia like it’s a person. The friend part is sarcasm; schizophrenia isn’t really my friend, but it’s kind of dark humor, or something.

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(Verse 1) 
 
I stumbled in the dark with you, a starry night, 
But looking on the outside everything just looked bright, 
All turned to black before I saw the white light, 
And your inhumanity placed the puzzle pieces right… 
 
Oh, but life just so happens, 
And sadly you did too, 
You waltzed into my life, I started feeling so blue, 
After every storm came marvelous you, 
And now you’re after me, there’s nothing I can do. 
 
(PreChorus) 
 
And I know you’re okay with hurting me like you do, 
But I want you to know that I’m not okay with you. 
 
(Chorus) 
 
‘Cause we’re here in my room and I’m fighting for my life, 
Tearing up the pieces of what’s wrong and what’s right, 
Thought it’d be, 
You and me, 
Until the very end, 
My wretched friend. 
 
(Verse 2) 
 
Lying in my bed half asleep, it’s 2008, 
My sister came in but she was a little too late, 
Drowning in a river from alcoholism fate, 
And though my story’s patched, you would still partake. 
 
And you had watched me down that bottle, 
Hold the nozzle, 
There’s something going down, 
You skipped freely to my town. 
 
And all the pain pills I ingested, 
I invested, 
In finance which was death, 
You saw me exhale my last breath. 
 
But you did nothing then, now did you? 
You do nothing now, I swear I am ashamed, 
To have called you in my brain. 
And I just don’t know where I went wrong, 
I just all along, 
Thought I had held your name, 
But instead you hold my grave. 
 
(PreChorus) 
 
And I know you’re okay with taking every piece of me, 
And my mind may be wounded, but it’s stitching peacefully. 
 
(Chorus 2) 
 
‘Cause we’re here in my room, you are at it again, 
My mind kind of went blank from the medication, 
Scorching fire, 
Should retire, 
‘Cause I’m over it, 
My wretched friend. 
 
And we’re here in the dark, I am having fuzzy sight, 
I asked for a brighter day but you gave me cold night, 
Blackened star, 
So bizarre, 
Didn’t need you here, 
My wretched friend. 
 
(Bridge) 
 
And when you came to my doorway, you didn’t even knock, 
And when I was most very vulnerable, you grabbed the cinderblock, 
I am dead, 
In my head, 
Do I deserve this, 
My wretched friend? 
 
Yeah, you think ‘cause you’re eldest you know way much more than me, 
But you’re so very ignorant, let’s just face reality, 
I’m a desperate situation lying on the bench, 
My wretched friend. 
 
You want all of me but can’t have me, 
‘Cause I hold a new key, 
Don’t you see? 
It’s all inside of me. 
 
But my health is now your health, 
And you’ve flaunted your wealth, 
In my face, 
You’ve made a big mistake. 
 
What is it with me you want to control, 
To take me but my razor is so dull, 
And my capacity is full. 
The population in my mind is millions, 
The voices in my head resilient, 
Babe, 
You thought I wasn’t afraid, 
The day you shocked my mind with a high voltage stain, 
Staring at my past like you’ve never had your reign, 
Then I sat on my bed just waiting for you to come, 
And maybe I’m done, 
Maybe I’ll run. 
 
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© Karianne Gabaldon 2022