Until One Day

(Louise Holt)

Mental Health illnesses are real - not everyone understands them. But maybe this song will help to understand from inside the mind of someone who is battling the urge to leave their life on a daily basis.

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I’m trying, 
I’m trying all I’ve got to be okay,
I’m dealing,
I’m dealing with everything to stay,
I’m fighting,
I’m fighting the urge to leave this life, 
I’m inflicting,
I’m inflicting pain through this knife, 

And I just wanna scream and shout,
I just wanna let it all out, 
But I don’t wanna burden no-one with all my pain,
I just wanna cry every night,
I just wanna give up my fight, 
But my heart gets in the way and keeps me sane, 
… Until one day. 

I’m surviving, 
I’m surviving but I’m not living,
I’m caring,
I’m caring but I’m not forgiving,
I’m talking, 
I’m talking but I’m not speaking, 
I’m looking,
I’m looking but I’m not seeking,

And I just wanna scream and shout,
I just wanna let it all out, 
But I don’t wanna burden no-one with all my pain,
I just wanna cry every night,
I just wanna give up my fight, 
But my heart gets in the way and keeps me sane, 
… Until one day. 

Until one day when I leave, and then I’ll be labelled selfish,
Until one day when I give up, and then I’ll be labelled weak,
Until one day when I’ve had enough, and then I’ll be labelled a coward,
Until one day when I cut too deep, and then I’ll be labelled a freak. 

And I just wanna scream and shout,
I just wanna let it all out, 
But I don’t wanna burden no-one with all my pain,
I just wanna cry every night,
I just wanna give up my fight, 
But my heart gets in the way and keeps me sane, 
… Until one day.
© Louise Holt 2021